I'm depressed, and sitting alone in the Dark. I don't know why I am feeling so down right now. I guess I just feel lonely. I don't know why, but it seems so hard to meet girls around here. Bleh.
Money Cannot Buy Good Character: Fitzgerald's Portrayal Of Characters in The Great Gatsby
By Gavin Cavanaugh
ENGL 333 Ibis Gómez-Vega 24 February 2007
The 1920's was a period in American history known for its great financial prosperity, and its arrival of new ideals and attitudes. This period was known as the Jazz Age, and New York was the place to be. It was a city of lavish parties, new opportunities, and fresh viewpoints on life. F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby is a novel that captures perfectly what the spirit of this era was like, through a tale of parties, booze, and gossip among New York socialites. What Fitzgerald greatly illustrates is that during this time period, America was heavily divided into class. Although America was experiencing an economic boom, not everyone was able to enjoy it. There were lower, middle, and upper classes. All the characters in the novel fall into the class of the wealthy. But even when the characters of Jay, Nick, Daisy, Tom and Jordan are all very wealthy, they are still separated from each other due to the sub-classes of "old money" and "new money". What F. Scott Fitzgerald wants the reader to see in this book is that the characters of Nick and Jay who had to work hard for what the have are very good people, and those characters who were born into a life of wealth and privilege are shallow, uncaring, socially irresponsible, and overall despicable characters who hurt each other and the ones around them. F. Scott Fitzgerald separates the two classes of wealth through two methods. The first method is through physical setting of the book. There are two islands, separated by water. These islands are respectably named West Egg and East Egg. East Egg is noted to be more elegant and beautiful then West Egg. The setting of two islands represent that the two classes of old and new money will never become one, since it is physically impossible for the two islands to be conjoined. A land mass cannot be moved. The second method of separating the classes is through general character traits in the main characters who reside on the two islands. West Egg is where all the "new money" people live. This is the home of Jay Gatsby and Nick Carraway. East Egg is where the "old money" people live, which include Daisy and Tom Buchannan, as well as Jordan Baker. The West Egg residents being born into money know less hardship then East Egg. Living more lavishly and knowing wealth for generations, the residents of East Egg have a superiority complex over the West Egg residents. This automatically puts a bad taste in the mouth of the reader. The novel is told through the eyes of a good person, Nick Carraway. He is a man who has just moved to East Egg and knows nobody there. Nick is "new money", and he worked hard for his fortune earning it himself. Nick knows what it is like to not be as fortunate as other's and he even start out his story by quoting his father saying "whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had" (1). From the very beginning of the novel we know that Nick is a man who is level headed, and who does not think of himself higher then others based upon ideas of class or wealth. This is a big contrast with many of the wealthy people he meets in Long Island. The first time Nick meets Daisy, Tom, and Jordan it becomes visible to the reader that that Nick is not like these "old-money" types. Daisy, Tom, and Jordan are so wealthy that they have the time to go to lavish parties and not have a care in the world. They are people who almost have too much time on their hands, so they spend it gossiping about others. They stick their noses in other people's business, which of course leads to trouble. Jay Gatsby is a man who is for awhile shrouded in mystery. For a good portion of the novel he is only a name. Fitzgerald does this to build up the suspense of what he will be like. People all over Long Island share rumors about him and theories about his past and how he came into his money. Of course as much gossip goes, many of the theories are negative. They include various types of crime, bootlegging (let's not forget alcohol is illegal during this time period), and even murder. It is not until Nick finally meets Gatsby at one of his parties, that the reader is shown that Gatsby has a few problems of letting go of the past, but is overall a good and caring man. Gatsby does not gossip and spread rumors of the other residents of West and East Egg. The "old money" characters have a general unpleasantness about them. Since they are born into money, the reader knows the really have not had to do any work in life. Tom, Daisy, and Jordan have all the time in the world to lounge around and enjoy life. Nick and Gatsby do share a bit of this luxury, but because of their harder beginnings in life it is more forgivable. They have earned their time in luxury. Jordan Baker is Nick Carraway's romantic interest in the book. Although Nick forms feelings for her, he knows that they are two different people. Jordan is "old money", and like the Buchannans she has a very self centered attitude. She is a professional golfer, but her past is marred by scandal. In her first golf tournament she was caught cheating. This shows that Jordan is a woman who will do anything it takes to get ahead. Jordan Baker's carelessness is also shown through her awful, irresponsible driving. To not care about her own life is one thing, but she has a disregard for all the other drivers and pedestrians on the road. She wants to get where she wants to go fast with no regard to others, whether it is hazardous driving, or cheating in golf tournaments. Tom Buchannan is a man who has many unpleasant qualities. Fitzgerald gives to us a picture of a modern caveman when describing Tom as having a "body of enormous leverage-a cruel body" (7). Nick even says within the second paragraph of describing Tom that there were people back in New Haven that hated Tom's guts. During Nick's first social outing at the Buchannan house, Tom speaks of a book called The Rise of the Colored Empires, which talks about how the "superior" white race will eventually be submerged by minorities. So at this point we also know that Tom is a very outspoken racist, which is strike one. Strike two is Tom's feeling of superiority from living in East Egg. In chapter one he says "I'd be a God damned fool to live anywhere else" (10). This is quite insulting and rude considering Nick doesn't live in East Egg. Strike three turns out to be a big one, as Nick learns that Tom is unfaithful to his wife Daisy. Later on in chapter two Tom takes Nick out to meet his girl on the side. It is a middle-lower class woman named Myrtle Wilson. Because of his unfaithfulness, Tom turns out to be a hypocrite when he becomes upset at Daisy's confession of feelings for Jay Gatsby. Tom also has a part in the death of Jay Gatsby. He tells the enraged George Wilson that the car was Gatsby's, thus leading George to believe Gatsby killed Myrtle. Daisy Buchannan is the biggest character disappointment in the novel. Fitzgerald begins by painting us a portrait of a woman who is so wonderful that she has caused Gatsby to be infatuated with her for years and years. She is an angel in Gatsby's mind. But Gatsby's vision of Daisy is unfortunately false, as the book progresses faith in Daisy's character fades. As Gatsby's past love for Daisy is revealed, we learn that quite simply Daisy won't be with Gatsby due to the class difference. Gatsby is too poor of a man for Daisy, who has known nothing but wealth her whole life. This is so emotionally crippling to Gatsby that he makes the rest of his life a point to become successful enough to take Daisy back. Later on in the book Daisy hits Myrtle Wilson with a car. Daisy literally gets away with murder, all because Gatsby loves her too much to let anything bad happen to her. Daisy is too irresponsible enough to owe up and take consequence for a sin that she has committed, the sin of murder. She takes advantage of Gatsby's love to keep her from going to jail, or worse. Gatsby cares so much about Daisy he is willing to cover for her. Because Daisy does not come forward and tell the truth, Myrtle Wilson's husband George kills Gatsby, under the belief that he is the responsible one. Although George is the one that pulls the trigger and physically kills Gatsby, it is really Daisy who kills Gatsby because of her not confessing up to the truth. It is Daisy's irresponsibility and abuse of Gatsby's love that lead to the death of the great Gatsby. "They were careless people Tom and Daisy-they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, whatever it is that keeps them together, and let other people clean up the mess they made…" (179). Nick Carraway could not have said it better. Tom and Daisy, people who had the lifestyles most people dream of, take it all for granted. They ruined the lives of Gatsby and the Wilsons. And because they are guilty of this, they pack up and leave. They run away from their problems, which they can do because they have the money too. Not everybody can just pack up and forget their troubles in such a way. Even beyond the issue of money, most people do not have the kind of conscious that would allow them to do that. Despite Daisy's "feelings" that she had for Gatsby, she did not even have the decency to attend his funeral. None of Gatsby's frequent party guests could make it to the funeral as well. Nick is the only person who cares for Gatsby enough to pick up the pieces and arrange for the funeral. Nick refuses to let Gatsby die alone, and this shows that he is a decent man with moral values. There are two kinds of characters in the book, overly privileged "old money" characters who do not care for anyone but themselves, and "new money" characters who because of their middle/lower class upbringings, know to reserve judgment and treat others how they would like to be treated. "The Great Gatsby is not only a very entertaining story, but a well developed social commentary of the Jazz Age.
So I was sick this weekend, but not a kind of sick I have been before. Really bad fever off and on, body aches, inability to sleep, and really dry throat and mouth. It just occured to me tonite what it might of been, so I did some reasearch via google and wikepedia. I have been dehydrated. I checked out with every symptom on the checklist. I had coldsweats all weekend nonstop. Plus I drank the night before I got sick and as everyone knows alcohol only dehydrates you. Another reason why everybody should drink less. The scary thing is really looking back this weekend I ate like nothing at all which I noticed, but I didn't drink anything really without noticing. I drank alittle juice, some water to get dayquil and nyquil down, and one bottle of Jones Soda (which was delicious by the way). When I get stressed out I have a habit of not eating and drinking, but this is rediculous. I need to remind myself that no matter what my school situation is, it's not life or death. Now granted I am not nearly dehydrated enough to die, but I did get so sick that I was wearing winter attire this weekend. Bleh, but despite my illness this weekend I had so much fun with Colleen, who now is suffering from her own ailment. I hope you get well soon sweetheart. But yeah, this weekend was pretty freakin fun, just because I got to be with her. This is kind of a rambling entry at this point, but I am drinking lots of water now while doing this so I am on a path to recovery.
So in my current insomnia and once again hearing a train barreling past my house, this random thought popped into my head. How come you never see any female train conductors? You see female cab drivers, truckers, pilots, and bus drivers. Does the fast paced sexy action packed lifestyle of train conducting not appeal to females?
*sigh* I miss Colleen. Alot.
I also miss my friends back home, I haven't seen any of them in forever.
Wow...been awhile since I wrote in here (livejournal that is). So both the VCB and the Student Center bookstores are a bunch of fucking crooks. I bought my Accounting 206 book for $101 dollars in the beginning of the semester. Tried to sell it back today at the Student Center....wouldn't take it because they already had enough. So I endured the harsh elements and walked over to the VCB to try and sell it. They offered me $10!! Good Lord. I don't care how many free warm Cola-Colas and Axe samples you give me, you suck VCB.
Holy crap I am bored.. It wouldn't be so bad if I had a car. Then maybe I could go to Wal-Mart and get some groceries. It's good though, it keeps me studying. I have nothing to drink here, I drank my last Coke today. Damn I am thirsty. Maybe I will walk to the local road ranger to get something. I need a job. I am going to start looking both here in Dekalb and back home in the Zion area. I might be getting a job interview at the Hot Topic in Gurnee Mills. That would be cool, but I can't rely on that. Also I don't know why, but my neck hurts. Wierd stuff. Meh. Back to taking on the Accounting beast, damn I hate that class.
Like all I did was lay in bed depressed today. I feel like such a shitty person. I layed in bed depressed so much today I fell asleep and missed eating dinner with Andrea. I hate myself. I am also such a shitty person I forgot today (or yesterday I should say, the 18th), was my Dad's birthday. What a great son I am. I can't do anything right, except lay in bed and do nothing. I took a little self screening thing today. Turns out I have both depression an anxiety. Lucky me. Also got my MGMT 217 test back today. Got a 70. Apparently that is a high C. But it doesn't matter, it's not good enough. Considering I don't understand a fucking thing in Accounting and Math I am stuggling because I missed so much class, I can't afford fucking C grades. Fucking Fuck.
Holy crap it's been awhile since I've updated this bad boy. I have been so busy with schoolwork lately it's crazy. This week, midterm week, has been a living hell for me. Working non-stop it seems. Worse part is I feel like nobody else I know is struggling this week. Is it just me? Everyone seems like they don't have a care in the world. I got a Management 217 and Macroeconomics test tomorrow. God help me. I am taking a short break to update this journal. Not really because I can afford the break but it's just to help me stay sane.
Drinking that is. Last night I was a horrible irrational person. I acted horrible to Andrea and my friends. And if alcohol is going to make me treat the people I care the most about in my life bad, then it's just not worth it. I'm sure I can find better things to do with my time and money anyways. I woke up today feeling horrible, depressed, and angry at myself. I was angry at myself for letting my Dad's irrational rage last night get me angry to the point where I took it out on everyone else. And for this I am truely sorry. I am now just so embarassed. However I am thankful that I have loved ones who are willing to take such good care of me when I am down.
Andrea I am so sorry. I love you and God knows I miss you so much. I wish you were just here so we could maybe hold each other and have things be alright. Although I know it's going to take a little more then a hug to patch things up. But whatever it takes I am willing to do it. I don't want to make you unhappy.
The drive here I swear took 2 1/2 hours. I am tired, and I have a math test to study for and I barely have the moral to stay awake right now nor the right state of mind to concentrate.
So yes, I can't sleep. So that is basically why I am updating this journal of mine. Working alot and whatnot. Dealing with the hardships of the theme park industry. But I am making cold hard cash. So I can buy stuff I don't need, sweet. Work has been taking up like all of my time. So I apologize for basically neglecting all of my friends. Nothing personal, just been busy. I have bought four CDs in like the past week. The new CKY, Dropkick Murphys, Transplants, and MXPX albums. All of which are pretty good. I really need to turn in this month's rent. Time is running out. And the only real option I have now is to mail the check.
Yeah it's been quite a while since I have updated this bad boy. So first all here is the big news. Andrea and I are engaged. Yes you read correctly, we are to be married. I got her a ring and everything, and quite frankily I don't think either of us can be happier. To some of you this may be old news, and to some of you this might be a shock. But now our engagement is stone solid (diamond if you know what I mean!) I know that Andrea is somebody that I truly can spend the rest of my life with. She makes me happy. She loves me, cares about me, and treats me good. Andrea really is the light of my life. I see nothing but great things in our future together. Our wedding however won't be until we get we both get out of school, but that just leaves that to look forward too. If you read this Andrea I love you baby.
So let me give a short but sweet account of the last few days:
Friday: Went out to see the Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It was alright. It had it's moments, but I don't really believe it was all it was hyped up to be. After that just hung out with John, Joe, Lydia, and Mr. Dan Beno.
Saturday: This actually come out of left field. I saw Jerry "Bad Ass Mutha Fuckin" Seinfield live at the Genese theater in Waukegan. He was funny as hell. His stand up is much different then his show depicts actually. It was all new material, and was extremley entertaining. I wasn't originally planning on going, but Joe sold me his ticket cause he needed the money. So I went with John and Lydia. It was good times, seriously. I recommend anyone to see Jerry live, he will not dissapoint.
Sunday: Job training at Six Flags from 10-6:30. Enough said. Sucked.
Oh yes. I got a mohawk today. It looks cool. I'ts going to gaurauntee that I never get hired anywhere for a job this summer, but I try and not think that far ahead in the future. As soon as I can get pics and then figure out how to put them on here, I'll post them. Took my Spanish test today. I was ultra pissed because the teacher said only chapter five would be on the test, and what does she put on there? Material from chapter six of course. Well thats special isn't it? Considering I am not the best at Spanish and I struggle a little on the tests, this does not help me.
So today was another shitty day. Then again any day where Andrea and I are not on "happy terms" is a horrible day. Can't think, can't concentrate on work, can't eat, can't sleep well, can't do anything.
Just because I didn't call you more the once doesn't mean I am not trying hard...
I would call you a thousand times if my caring for you were measured in phone calls.
God I am so freakin mad at myself. I am not writing this looking for sympathy or anything, but why do I suck? I am totally in the wrong in an arguement, she knows it, I know it. But I still lost my cool for a second and blurt out something totally stupid. I can't stand myself when I do stupid things like this. It's like a cycle. I do something stupid when I am mad (like blurt out something like an angry retard), and then I get so mad at myself for doing it, I once again do something stupid because I am so frusterated not only at the other person but myself. Once again I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or say what I do is justified, cause that's just not true. Perhaps I have all the right in the world to be angry, but that doesn't give me an excuse to vent it the wrong way. I am sorry Andrea. Next time I will just bite my tounge and leave the room.
Today was good. Woke up, went to Stats class, put up with Sanjib. Man that guy truely is a joker. Later on in the day I went to this outlet mall in Aurora with Andrea. It was fun, despite the fact that we got in a small quarall. But we went into Diesel and this kind homosexual gentleman (I think he was gay at least) who worked at the store convinced me to try on a pair of $118 jeans. They were quite fashionable, and I did look snazzy, but $118 dollars is a little excessive. Got back here, saw the film Annie Hall for class. It was alright. It had it's moments. Just finished my stats homework, and it's only 9:21. The night is still young.
So it's been awhile since I've given a detailed update in this thing, so I guess now is the time. Things between Andrea and I are going great. No complaints at all. I love her so much, and now I can't picture life without her. It's almost scary to think how close we were to not being together... The apartment for next year is pretty much ours. This saturday we put in the security deposit and then that bad ass motha is ours. Awhile ago Chris "aka" Chorb came down to visit me. It was good times. Friends from home should visit me more often!! Hint Hint. This weekend so far has been kind boring, alot of people from the floor are gone. Tomarrow hopefully I will be seeing Sin City in theaters, I am excited. With the exception of Star Wars ep. III, I haven't been this excited to see a movie in awhile. Speaking of movies I saw Constantine and Hostage in theaters not too long ago, both of which kicked ass. Actually I guess not too much is new really. Maybe I will play some guitar in a few minutes, haven't done that for awhile. It's not a skill I want to lose.
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